History Schmistory, June 4: Insert cheesy joke

1070 – Roquefort cheese was created in a cave near Roquefort, France! Insert your own cheesy joke here : )

Pee-Yew!

History Schmistory, June 3: That Turkey is Toast!

1098 – After a 5-month siege in the 1st Crusade, the Crusaders seized A Turkey. And by A, we mean Antioch (the city in the country of Turkey, not the bird!)

Hey guys...I think we've got the wrong Turkey.

History Schmistory, May 24: Yo, Crusades!

1218 – The Fifth Crusade leaves Acre for Egypt.

Ludicrous Latin: Noster populus facit discrepantiam!

Our people make the difference!

Ludicrous Latin: Canis meus id comedi

My dog ate it!

Ludicrous Latin: Anulos qui animum ostendunt omnes gestemus!

Let’s all wear mood rings!

Ludicrous Latin: Nullo modo, vir!

No way, man!

History Schmistory: April 28. Roman Emperor born as Rome is about to die…

A.D. 359, the future Roman emperor Gratian was born. He, um, had a rough life. Gratian was the son of Emperor Valentinian I. When Valentinian died, Gratian ruled in the west and his uncle Valens ruled in the east. Gratian had been fighting the Alamanni while Valens was dealing with the Goths at Adrianople. Gratian was scheduled to come to Valens’ assistance, but arrived too late to prevent the disaster. The disaster at Adrianople is one of the major turning points in the fortunes of Imperial Rome and a possible date for Rome’s fall.

History Schmistory: April 27. First Man to Sail Around the World Dead, Dies.

1521: Ferdinand Magellan who got credit as the first man to circumnavigate the globe, even though he spent much of the voyage dead, was killed. After a journey beset by rebellion, treacherous weather and disease, the Concepción, the Victoria and the Trinidad finally reached the Philippines. There, where the crew recovered from their trials in a tropical paradise, Magellan became caught up in the fervor of conversion. He attempted to overcome a huge force of natives resistant to Christianity with a mere handful of men, and was killed in battle.

History Schmistory: April 26: Pazzi Conspiracy Fails

1478: In an attempt to overthrow the Medici family from power in Florence, Girolamo Riario, Archbishop Francesco Salviati, and several members of the Pazzi family planned an assassination in the Cathedral of Florence. Pope Sixtus IV, uncle to Riario, was aware of the plot but had no hand in the assassination attempt. Lorenzo de Medici survived with some minor injuries, but his younger brother Giuliano was stabbed 29 times. He was only twenty-three. Far from ridding Florence of “tyrants,” the assassination instigated an uprising in favor of the Medici, strengthening Lorenzo’s position. Makes me want to sing!

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