History Schmistory: April 30. Richard captures Edward V

Richard, Duke of Gloucester takes poor 12 year old Edward V to the Tower of London before he has the chance to be crowned King of England. Edward and his brother are never heard from again, and become the source of many legends. How bad do things get in the Tower of London? Check it out:

Ludicrous Latin: Anulos qui animum ostendunt omnes gestemus!

Let’s all wear mood rings!

Ludicrous Latin: Nullo modo, vir!

No way, man!

History Schmistory: April 29. Joan Jets!

1429: The Siege of Orleans is lifted thanks partly to Joan of Arc. She was all “Dudes, lift the seige!” and they were all “Yo, Joan, we don’t wanna lift the seige,” and she was all, “if you don’t, I’m gonna get mad,” so they were all “Man, you got us, Joan, we’ll lift the seige…”

History Schmistory: April 28. Roman Emperor born as Rome is about to die…

A.D. 359, the future Roman emperor Gratian was born. He, um, had a rough life. Gratian was the son of Emperor Valentinian I. When Valentinian died, Gratian ruled in the west and his uncle Valens ruled in the east. Gratian had been fighting the Alamanni while Valens was dealing with the Goths at Adrianople. Gratian was scheduled to come to Valens’ assistance, but arrived too late to prevent the disaster. The disaster at Adrianople is one of the major turning points in the fortunes of Imperial Rome and a possible date for Rome’s fall.

Ludicrous Latin: Etiam capillus unus habet umbram

Even one hair has a shadow.

History Schmistory: April 27. First Man to Sail Around the World Dead, Dies.

1521: Ferdinand Magellan who got credit as the first man to circumnavigate the globe, even though he spent much of the voyage dead, was killed. After a journey beset by rebellion, treacherous weather and disease, the ConcepciĆ³n, the Victoria and the Trinidad finally reached the Philippines. There, where the crew recovered from their trials in a tropical paradise, Magellan became caught up in the fervor of conversion. He attempted to overcome a huge force of natives resistant to Christianity with a mere handful of men, and was killed in battle.

History Schmistory: April 26: Pazzi Conspiracy Fails

1478: In an attempt to overthrow the Medici family from power in Florence, Girolamo Riario, Archbishop Francesco Salviati, and several members of the Pazzi family planned an assassination in the Cathedral of Florence. Pope Sixtus IV, uncle to Riario, was aware of the plot but had no hand in the assassination attempt. Lorenzo de Medici survived with some minor injuries, but his younger brother Giuliano was stabbed 29 times. He was only twenty-three. Far from ridding Florence of “tyrants,” the assassination instigated an uprising in favor of the Medici, strengthening Lorenzo’s position. Makes me want to sing!

History Schmistory: April 24. Rough Anniversary for Mary Queen of Scots

1558: Mary Queen of Scots marries the future King Francis II of France.
1567: Mary Queen of Scots is captured by Lord Bothwell and taken to Dunbar.
1568: Mary Queen of Scots makes mental note to skip anniversary.

History Schmistory: April 23. Henry VIII becomes King.

1509. King Henry VIII accedes to the throne. His wife considers the whole thing a pain in the neck.

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