History Schmistory: February 22. “As bad as Moose Murders?”

1983: After 13 dismal previews, the notorious Broadway flop Moose Murders opens and closes on the same night at the Eugene O’Neill Theatre. It is now basically the standard by which all horrible plays that find their way to the Broadway stage are compared, and it pretty much loses every time. NY critics were literally in competition to see who could write the most witheringly scornful review.
Here’s some highlights:

“…The only stage play I ever saw presented in stereo-odoriferous Smellovision.” -John Simon

“Those of us who have witnessed the play… will undoubtedly hold periodic reunions, in the noble tradition of survivors of the Titanic.” -Frank Rich

“…Would insult the intelligence of an audience consisting entirely of amoebas” -Brendan Gill

In fairness, we have never seen or read the play, but from the reviews it seems likely that Eugene O’Neill didn’t just roll in his grave, he’s been rotating on a spit ever since. Zing!